Choosing A Doula For Your Childbirth
Supportive, caring, nurturing, grounding, loving, motherly, lifeline; these are just some of the words that women have used to describe their doula. I barely knew what a doula was when I became pregnant with my first daughter, but entering into the world of midwife care quickly enlightened me on these amazing people. According to dictionary.com, the word doula means, “a woman who is trained to provide support to women and their families during pregnancy, childbirth, and the period of time following the birth”. There are some men who are trained doulas as well, but this is generally a female dominated calling. I refer to it as a calling, because calling it a job somehow takes away something for me when I think about the doulas I know and have met. These women are devoted to the care of the women they work with, as well as their families. As with anyone, not all doulas are created equal, but I have been fortunate enough to encounter some amazing, caring, and passionate women in my search for a doula for the birth of my second child.
We did not use a doula for my first birth because we decided we wanted as few people with us during our birthing center birth as possible, and that my husband would be my support person. We made the right decision for us, and we had a beautiful birth experience. I was also very fortunate to have an amazing midwife and nurse who were very attentive and thought of things my husband did not, like offering me something to drink or helping me put my hair up. We had such a quick labor and delivery, that there was really no time for me to even think of these things, let alone my husband who was busy putting counter pressure on my back when I went into back labor during the transition phase of my labor. These little things made me start thinking about what I might do differently when we decided to have baby number two. Our biggest decision was deciding to have a home birth this time around, and once we were comfortable with that idea, I started looking into having a doula present as well.
The main difference between our first and second birth, outside of going from a birthing center to having our baby at home, is that we now have a toddler who will be present during her little sisters birth. Because of this, we are quite aware that my husband is going to have to be focused on her needs more than mine, unless by some miracle she sleeps through the whole thing. And we are totally okay with this! I know that having a little one around during labor and delivery is not for everyone, but we want to experience this beautiful event in our lives as a family. We are also aware that my daughter may not be comfortable with the whole experience, and may need to be taken out of the room at some point. The only problem with that scenario is that neither my husband nor I want him to miss our baby coming into this world. So what’s a momma to do? For us, the answer was simple: Hire a doula.
The most important things to me when we decided to hire a doula were that I would feel comfortable enough with this woman to have her around at one of the most important and vulnerable moments in my life, and that she would be willing to step in with my daughter if we needed her to. I was fortunate to find someone who met both of these “must haves” without having to search very long. I reached out to a handful of doulas that were recommended to me by my midwives, and I also posted a message on a local birthing community Facebook page stating that I was looking for a doula. I set up consultations with two of the women I reached out to, one from my midwives suggestion and one from the birthing community, and ended up choosing the woman I met through the birthing community. The first doula I met with was amazing and had previously worked with my midwife team, which was a huge plus, but the distance she needed to travel was a concern to both of us considering how quickly I gave birth the first time. The doula I chose is newer to the profession, but I felt an instant click with her that told me she would definitely be the right choice for our family. A great resource for choosing a doula can be found on DONA Internationals website. They have a DONA doula hiring guide that I found very helpful. You can access it at https://www.dona.org/what-is-a-doula/how-to-hire-a-doula/.
Some things to do and consider when choosing a doula:
1. Set up an interview and have questions ready
Have questions and/or concerns ready when you meet with them. This first meeting is, for all intents and purposes, an interview, and I highly recommend you do it in person. Some questions I asked included:
How many births have you attended?
What type of services do you provide?
Are you a certified doula/what is your training?
Have you ever attended a homebirth/birthing center birth/hospital birth (depending on what you are planning.)?
What do you see your role as during my childbirth?
What techniques will you use during my labor?
Will you take photos for us after the baby is born?
Will you transfer to the hospital with us if a transfer is needed?
How long of a distance do you need to travel to get to my home?
How will you support my husband during labor and delivery?
Are you comfortable with my toddler being present/would you be comfortable entertaining her if need be?
These are just some of the many things you may want to consider asking a doula you are interviewing. Make sure you ask questions specific to you and your family’s situation, or address any concerns you may have. I also told my birth story from my previous childbirth so the women I met with had a good idea of my experience, how I coped, and how quickly mine went. I would also recommend sharing anything you did not like about your first experience, especially if you had a traumatic birth experience.
2. Cost
Doulas can cost anywhere from $400 to $1,200 on average. Depending on where you live will greatly affect the cost as well, and you could find yourself facing much higher fees. Fortunately, many doulas offer different packages that can be designed to meet your budget and your needs. If your main focus is just having a doula present for your labor and delivery, you can usually find reasonable prices. If you are working on a tight budget, you may want to consider hiring a new doula, or someone who is still working on their doula certification. Some women also include a doula fund on their baby registries to help cover the cost. We are working on a smaller budget since our insurance will not cover our home birth, so we decided to higher a doula that is just starting out. A big bonus for me was the fact that she has three children of her own, so I know she has experienced birth first hand, and will have a better understanding of what I am experiencing. Having experienced childbirth was not a deal breaker for me when hiring a doula, but I did look at it as an added bonus.
3. Finding a doula
Social media can definitely be a great resource for finding a doula and getting recommendations from other momma’s who have first hand experience with them. Reach out to other momma’s on local birthing sites for recommendations. Your midwife or doctors can also be great resources for recommendations of doula’s to contact. You can also search databases like DONA International, http://findadoula.com, and https://doulamatch.net/search.
4. Will they be a good fit for your family?
If you have even the slightest question on whether or not the doula you are interviewing is a good fit or not, than keep looking. Childbirth is beautiful and empowering, but it can also be a very vulnerable and delicate time for you and your family. Make sure you feel 100% comfortable with the doula you are choosing. Make sure their ideals about labor and delivery mesh with yours. Make sure they understand that this is about you and your family, not them and their needs. One of the best things said to me by a doula was that at the end, if you don’t even remember I was there, but you do remember having a beautiful birth experience, than I know I did my job right. That’s a standard you should hold every doula to that you are considering having as a partner during your childbirth experience.
I am really looking forward to childbirth again! I cannot wait to hold our little girl for the first time while sharing that moment with my daughter and husband. I feel confident going into childbirth not only because I trust my body, but because I will be surrounded by three capable, caring women who will be there every step of the way to make sure my baby and I are safe, happy, and healthy. The two women who make up my midwife team are simply amazing, and I know my baby and I are in the best hands possible in their care. But, knowing that someone will be there who is completely devoted to my needs, whether they be something to drink, offering words of encouragement, or putting counter pressure on my back for two hours, is the icing on the cake. It is also a huge relief to know that there will be someone else there to help take care of my toddler if the need arises. Hiring a doula has completed this circle of empowering and supportive women that will be by my side as I bring a new life into this world.
Love, Laughter & Light,
