My Transition From a Working Mom to a Stay-At-Home Mom
I have wanted to be a momma for as long as I can remember. It is just something I always knew I was supposed to be. Because of health issues due to my endometriosis, I never knew how this would come about, but I knew I was going to be someone’s momma one way or another. As luck would have it, changes in my diet, acupuncture, and some other lifestyle changes enabled me to get pregnant with my first daughter in 2014, and I am now pregnant with baby girl number two who is due this fall.
Outside of knowing I always wanted children, I have also always worked. I started babysitting at age 10, waitressed at my elementary schools Saturday night Bingo when I was 12, worked summers at a golf course snack bar when I was 14, and became a Hallmark employee when I was 17. After high school I worked in various daycares and preschools while getting my associates, worked as a full time nanny while going to night school for my bachelors degree in Early Childhood and Elementary Education, and started teaching 4th grade once I graduated. When I started dating my husband, I was finishing up my doctorate degree and started teaching 6th grade, while teaching a college course on the side. I had aspirations of going into school administration, and even took a position in my district to put me on that fast track. And then I got pregnant with my daughter and everything changed.
Once we decided to have our daughter, I had to reevaluate everything. Taking an administration position would mean working all year instead of having two months off in the summer as a teacher. It meant longer hours, attending after school events, and a bigger work demand. It also meant a bigger paycheck, but the money did not even come close to outweighing the time I would loose with my baby once she arrived. My first decision was to take myself out of the running for an administration position and remain as a classroom teacher. Then, my husband and I made the decision that I would take a 12 week maternity leave, on top of the additional weeks I would get with having a summer baby, and then I would go back to work and he would stay home. This made the most sense because we had our medical benefits through my job, I had a good retirement plan, I made more money, and my husband’s job sometimes shuts down for the winter. I had convinced myself that this was the best situation for everyone, and I was comfortable with it until my daughter was actually born.
I spent a great deal of the four months I had home with my daughter dreading the idea of going back to work. We were breastfeeding, and I knew I would have to pump twice a day at work to keep up with her feedings. We were doing at least one nighttime feeding, so I knew I would be running on fumes through my workday. But most of all, I knew I would be missing so much of her every day. I am fortunate that we could afford to have my husband stay home so we did not have to take her to a daycare, but this did not stop me from crying on my way to work every morning. I would even cry on my way home if I started thinking about everything I missed with her that day. We would sit down to nurse the minute I walked in the door, and I tried to soak in every moment I had with her until it was time to put her down to bed and get up for work the next day. Towards the end of the school year, I knew there was no way I would be able to leave her again after summer break was over, so I would come home every day and tell my husband I was not going back to work and that I was going to be a stay-at-home mom. One way or another, I knew I could not go back and had to figure something out. I even went so far as to clear most of my personal belongings out of my classroom at the end of the school year even though we had had no serious discussions about me actually staying home. Then, one day in July, my husband sat down with me at the dining room table and told me I did not have to go back to work, and that he would go back instead. I sat there and cried in both disbelief and happiness.
Sending my letter of resignation was one of the scariest and most rewarding things I have ever done. Leaving behind the security of great benefits, a retirement plan, and a guaranteed paycheck and job was terrifying. But, missing another moment of my daughter’s life was more terrifying to me, so any sacrifices that have been made along the way have been well worth it. We have also decided to homeschool our children when the time comes, so I know I will be using my education and teaching experience in the best possible way for our family.
Transitioning to being a stay-at-home mom has meant that we have to be a lot more frugal. I have always been a coupon clipper, but now I take it more seriously. We shop at consignment sales and yard sales for things around the house and for our daughter’s clothes and toys. We buy things on clearance and save money through programs like Amazons subscribe and save. We love hand-me-downs from friends and family for our daughter and ourselves. We use store cards that save money on purchases and pay them off immediately. We do not go out very often to events, but we were never really big on that prior to having children. So, we watch movies on Netflix or Amazon through our Roku, we do take-out once a week on Friday nights, we have friends over instead of going out somewhere to catch up, and going away on vacation means spending quality time with my husbands parents at their home near the shore.
Up until recently, I provided after care for my cousin’s three boys, and I took my daughter with me. This helped us get through the first year of me not working full time and getting through our first winter with my husband being laid off for two months. I was also able to teach a night class for a local college in the fall that helped to supplement our income. With baby number two on the way, I have no plans of working outside the home for the first year, but I do have my first children’s book, That’s Not My Momma’s Milk, being published this summer. My husband does work a lot of overtime in the summer, so making sure our savings is in good shape for the winter months is important. There is a lot more financial planning and budgeting now, but it is worth every penny pinched.
Being a working mom was overwhelming at times, and so is being a stay-at-home mom. The days are long, nap time is spent catching up on laundry and other housework, it can be very lonely at times, especially when you’re stuck inside when the weather is not nice, and there are days when I crave the conversation of another adult. All of that aside, being a stay-at-home mom is by far the most rewarding thing I have ever done. It is not for everyone, but it is exactly what I have always wanted, and I would not trade it for anything. Being there for every giggle, boo-boo, milestone, sniffle, exploration, and tantrum is something I treasure and will forever be grateful for. I know there are many women who want to be home with their children and cannot for various reasons, so I do not take for granted how fortunate I am to have this opportunity. I am extremely grateful that my husband was willing and able to go back to work so I did not have to. For every degree, award, and paycheck I have earned, nothing can replace the feeling I get when my daughter calls out for mommy and I can be there to hold her.
Love, Laughter & Light,
